If you’re on the run from the cops, it would be wise to put some thought into the chase before it starts. You would want to consider every variable, whittling down each possibility to the most remote chance so you can rest assured you’ve thought of everything.
Then, assume you’ll get caught.
Today’s police are your parents’ Barney Fifes. They drive cars equipped for high-speed chases, but also work with air to ground tracking services like helicopters (and depending on the “police,” satellite tracking).
Not only will you get caught, you will risk the lives of innocent people, scare the hell outta the police who have families waiting for them at home, and brand yourself the biggest douche this side of the moon.
In short, don’t do it.
Yes, we’re actually going to walk through steps one could take to outrun the cops. This is for entertainment purposes only, a postulation of what one might do, were she so inclined. Apply these techniques to your next game of Grand Theft Auto.
History Garage is against breaking the law in any way.
Choose Wisely
Start with the right car. The fastest production car is not always the best choice. A flashy car is easy to find, even if cops lose track of it.
For this ride, you want a sleeper car, something that looks like an everyday car but has something special tucked under the hood. Pick from the list of The 10 Most Stolen Cars In The U.S. They happen to be the most common cars too.
Also, go with a common color for your region.
Fill ‘Er Up
Running out of gas is always a pain, but more so when the cops are hot on your tail.
Get this straight, you will drive this car only to one destination, which we will come back to in a second. Until you reach that destination, there are no stops along the way.
You will only slow down for intersections, which will hopefully be few if any along your route.
Plan Your Route
Failing to plan is a plan to fail. You’ll never wing it on this one. You might think your best route is the freeway, but consider a freeway is an easy place for helicopters to follow you. You could also hit a traffic jam.
A route that ducks under tunnels and bridged offers many places you can ditch the police, but keep your city blocks to a minimum.
Plan, practice, and memorize alternate routes. Know all road construction to the minute for each route.
Scan & Jam
Since you are already in deeper than you can take it, you want anything in your car that will tell you where the fuzz may be hiding like Waze, scanners, and devices broadcasting police radio channels.
It’s all completely illegal, but you’re already screwed. If you’ve tested your routes enough, you’ll eliminate the usual speed traps and such. Then pray that nothing changes.
Stay Seated
Do not get out of the vehicle until you reach your destination. We’re almost there. Stay in the seat of your vehicle and go. Drive around traffic, never stop, and don’t look back.
There is nothing you can do about what’s behind you anyway.
Swap Cars
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A stashed car on your route is a good idea, but several cars are even better. Have them parked legally (so nobody tows your car) under tunnels or wide bridges, places where you can quickly switch rides to confuse helicopters.
Do this more than once to really lose them.
The best place for you to go is a country where they will not extradite you. Russia works, but there are other options. Plan to live someplace where you have no friends or family and don’t speak the language. It beats living in prison, maybe.
Depending on your crime, you have a small window of time to fly away. Don’t try the nearest airport, but don’t waste time. If you can charter an international flight, then move through a few countries before they catch up with you, you may make it.
Like I said, this is not advice.
What you should do when the cops request your attention is to pull over. Take the keys out of the ignition, get out your documents and any weapons, put ‘em on the dash in plain sight, roll down your windows and put your hands where the cop can see them.
Wait for further instructions.